Testing, Testing

With my period now 5 days late and not a pre-menstrual cramp in sight we tested again (this time with a "First Response" test not a "Tesco" own brand one)

I couldn't watch whilst the liquid crept slowly across the view panel of the test, I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't mind what the outcome was, and that it was unlikely to be positive after having got a negative result only a few days before.

The minutes seemed like hours as we both waited...

"Well what does it say?" I ask Hubby,
"It's got two lines!" he says.

I am sure he wasn't even sure himself if that was a good thing or a bad thing to start with.

I, the strong, empowered female, made an utter fool of myself by squealing like a piggy and then bursting in to tears...

Birthday's & Baby Blues

Today is Hubby's birthday (he's 39) and as there is still no sign of Aunt Flo we decided to do a test.

So after the awkward wait (whilst I'm sure all he can think is "she just peed on that stick!") we look only to find that it is NEGATIVE!!!

What a blow to our birthday excitement, I was truly gutted but we just told ourselves that we had just been too busy this month and that we would give it another go next month.

We went out to Wagamama's for diner with the little lady in tow who ironically pointed out that it should be called Wagapapa's today for her Papa's birthday.... Out of the mouths of babes :)

Over Due & Over Excited

My period was due today and nothing has happened yet :) fingers (and legs) crossed...

Keeping Busy

There has been plenty to distract us from our baby making mission this month.

Aside from the day to day stuff like work and school and shopping all 3 of our cats have had to go to the vets to be "done" (we spent a large part of last summer with 7 kittens running around the house and don't really want to repeat that experience), we also have a Valentines meal to go to with friends and it's Hubby's birthday on the 25th.

Before the birthday celebrations though I am off to enjoy a weekend retreat in the New Forest with 20 or so other Pagan friends and I can't wait for the chance to relax and chill out.

More Disappointment

My period started......

But in an effort to take something positive away from this I tell myself that at least I was bang on the date I was due according to the hormonal forecaster which must mean that since stopping the pill my cycles have settled back to normal again which must surely raise my chances of conception in the future.

More Moon Magick

I'll admit to being a little hopeful on the night of the full moon this month I have been feeling a bit "icky" and pretty tired too so it fell to Hubby to lead the ritual this Full Moon. He did a grand job of re-affirming our intentions and honouring our Gods.

Disappointing Discoveries

Too much knowledge can be a bad thing... I have spent a lot of time recently looking up pregnancy statistics on the internet and basically worrying myself with all the things I find:

I drink a lot of caffeine (and I mean a LOT) but it is part of my job (I work in drinks R&D) this will apparently deplete my chances of getting pregnant:

"One widely reported study found that taking in more than "moderate amounts" of caffeine can lower your likelihood of conceiving by as much as 27 per cent compared to women with low caffeine intakes (Hatch and Bracken 1993). Moderate amounts, in this case, were the equivalent of two cups of coffee a day or four cups of tea or five cans of cola, which works out at about 200 milligrams (mg). In this study, even modest consumption appeared to hinder conception, with women who drank only one to two cups daily lowering their chances of conceiving by 10 per cent."
- http://www.babycentre.co.uk/preconception/activelytrying/caffeineandfertility/

I then found out that...
"There was a study published in the British Medical Journal that found that very lean women and very obese women (BMI >38) had lower conception rates. However, body fat distribution was found to have a greater impact. Women with a high waist-hip ratio had greater trouble conceiving -- so being shaped like an apple is not as good for conception as being shaped like a pear."
- http://www.pregnancy.org/article/fertility-advice-overweight-and-obese-women

Thank goodness I am more pear than apple!

Add to this the fact that I just turned 30 and I'm trying to conceive with a man pushing 40 and my odds of a baby this year started looking bleak...

... Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, I got my period ;(

Ritualising Our Desires

31st of December is a special day for us anyway, it is the day we got together back in 2005. This year is extra special though as it is also a Full Moon, & a Blue Moon! We decided to perform a ritual together to affirm our desires to our Gods and to send a message out into the universe that we were ready to accept another child into our lives. The ritual was beautiful and moving and we plan to repeat our affirmations at every Full Moon.

Trying Times

Ok, so having tied the knot back in July we decided to spend a couple of months getting back to normal and just enjoying being married before we took the plunge to expand the family. I already have a 7 year old daughter but as far as babies are concerned this would be a first for my Hubby.

I had been on the Implanon implant for the last 6 years (which I have nothing but praise for) but as it ran out just before the wedding I had been taking Cerazette a progestrogen only pill since then. I stopped taking the pill on the 16th of December and had light stopping for a few days after but nothing else.

I downloaded a fertility tracker from http://www.hormonalforecaster.com/download.aspx and started to track my symptoms; this helped to make me feel more in control and gave us a rough idea of the best days to "do it" although there is nothing like the desire to have a child to get you in the mood